Sexually Abused Children

When children tell adults that they were sexually abused, the three most important responses the children need to hear immediately are:

You will do everything you can to protect them from ever being hurt again – Safety First!
You love them, it was good for them to tell you, you are sorry they were hurt, and you will do everything you can to comfort and soothe them when they are upset.
That the abuse was not their fault – that they are not to blame, that the offender was very wrong for hurting them.

The long-term negative effects of childhood sexual abuse can be greatly reduced with gentle and effective intervention as quickly as possible. When a child actually tells you they were sexually abused, they are in a state of crisis that needs your attention. The child may or may not demonstrate this crisis state externally, but do not take the situation lightly, even if the child is not throwing a big hissy fit. The child may not be able to understand or comprehend the amount of damage that was done to them via the sexual abuse, and thus may not be expressing a crisis demeanor outwardly. As the adult, you know that childhood sexual abuse (CSA) has very serious long-term effects on a child unless it is properly addressed. The damaging effects of sexual abuse for a child who has had proper attention after the disclosure are much less than a child whose needs were ignored.

It is important to report this disclosure of child abuse to the proper authorities as quickly as possible. You may have trouble finding a counselor or therapist who is willing to get involved in a pre-legal situation. If you are uncomfortable with making the report to the child protection agency yourself, you can make an appointment with your child’s medical doctor or pediatrician. Informing the doctor of the sexual abuse disclosure will put the doctor in the position of being required to call the authorities. All physicians and mental health professionals are required by law to call about suspected sexual abuse – they do not have to have proof that it happened. A suspicion of abuse is all that is required.

Once the child’s situation is reported to the authorities, they will need to speak with you and the child as quickly as they can. Your local authorities can guide you on what is and is not recommended for you to do at this point. It is important for you to go through the proper channels of reporting sexual abuse in case you need to follow through with formal legal protection for your child from the perpetrator. Make lots of phone calls to check with your local resources about the correct procedures to follow in your area. The last thing you would want to do is to mess up this protection procedure and allow the perpetrator to have continued access at hurting the child. Remember, your first promise to the child is “Safety First!”

A real important helpful hint is for you to write down as many specifics as you can immediately. Keep a running log of who said what, when, where, etc. Any behaviors that concern you, jot them down to discuss later with the authorities, or the child’s therapist. These behaviors may contribute to understanding what has happened.

If the child approaches you to talk more about the abuse, be there for them as supportively as you can. Be careful about purposefully soliciting information from the child while you are still in the investigation process with the authorities. Check with the authorities directly re: how they want you to handle discussing further information about the abuse with your child. In some places, there is a fine line between offering support to the child and gathering helpful information about the abuse from “tampering with the witness.” Let your local authorities clearly explain what is and isn’t helpful for them, which ultimately goes toward helping the child.

The children that have the courage to report the abuse at an early age are an incredible little people. It is a giant process, and the internal strength required from these children is highly commendable. These children are also very fortunate in that there are lots of things to do to help them with this issue right at this point. No child ever needs to let the negative effects of sexual abuse compile and compound upon each other. Addressing the child’s emotional needs at this point in time will be so very beneficial for their long-term healing.

If you need to process any of these issues, please consider a clinical consultation.

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